Hey, thanks for stopping by! My name is Michele, but I blog under the name Selfish Mitch, because a huge part of my mission is to help women realize that they need to be more selfish with their time and their love. We need to say NO way more often than we do. Our bosses, our coworkers, our friends, our families, our partners, and our children are always asking us to take on more than we can handle, because we’ve conditioned them to think that we’re going to say yes. This ends up leaving us feeling exhausted, taken advantage of, and not having any time to do things that feed our souls. I am great at saying no, so I think it’s time to teach that gift to other women. But first, let’s talk about self-love.
If I went out on the street and asked 100 people if they loved themselves, I’m sure that at least 85% of them would say yes and look at me like I was crazy. The problem is, it’s simply not true at a really base level for too many people today.
All it takes is the wrong words from one parent, one teacher, one coach, one bully, or toxic media exposure as a child for a kid to start feeling like she’s not good enough. Maybe she’s told that she’s just not that smart, or that she focuses too much on her studies and not enough on her looks. Maybe she’s told that she’s just not capable of being a dancer (me, age six, for example, but even I could see that, so it wasn’t really damaging.) We saw super thin women on TV and in magazines at an early age, and it put so many young girls on a lifelong path of hating their bodies. Now, kids are bombarded by images from Instagram influencers living their best lives in their bikinis and seemingly on vacation all the time, and it’s hard to not compare their looks, bodies, and lifestyle to their own and feel like they come up severely lacking.
We think that we move past all of that bullshit, but the reality is, we really don’t. Even if you’re not aware of it, it’s buried in your subconscious, and maybe not even that deeply buried, and it leads to a lot of self-sabotage. If we don’t truly love ourselves, we don’t believe at a core level that we deserve massive success, be it in careers, health and fitness, and relationships. Maybe you didn’t go for that promotion that you were encouraged to apply for, giving excuses like, “I don’t think I’m qualified,” or “I don’t know if I have the time or energy to take on more right now.” You wouldn’t have been encouraged to apply if someone didn’t think you were ready. The person who needs to believe in you is YOU.
Still dating someone that you know is kind of a jerk? Why? It’s because deep down, you don’t think you deserve a better partner. Someone, or many someones, or maybe just your subconscious, programmed you to believe you’re not attractive enough, that you’re too fat, that you’re not funny enough, that you don’t have your act together, or whatever, and it’s not true. You’re a unique and amazing person, and you deserve someone amazing too. Nobody deserves to be in a toxic relationship, I promise. I started dating my ex-husband, a very toxic person, at a time in my life that my self esteem was probably at its lowest. These toxic assholes can smell low self esteem miles away, and they prey on it. Do the work. Realize what it is that is holding you back. If you’re not happy with where you are in your life, figure out why that is. Reprogram your brain to realize that you deserve happiness and success in every area of your life. Maybe you need to read some self-help books. Maybe you need a counselor. Maybe, like my best friend, you need to meditate. Maybe, like me, you need to walk barefoot in the grass or get a good cardio workout to clear my mind while I work on my issues.
My biggest issue has been body image, and my problems started when I was 11 years old and gained that pre-puberty weight. I’d always been lanky, and it seemed like curves and a little belly showed up overnight, and I didn’t recognize my body anymore. I developed before the other girls at school, and the bullies sure made me even more aware of that fact. In junior high, I didn’t want to try out for sports that would require me to wear shorts, because I didn’t want people to see my legs. I didn’t want to do anything that required running, because I was worried people would laugh at my bouncing boobs. Sports bras have luckily evolved since the 1980s. Now, looking back, I realize that if I’d tried out for volleyball and cross country, I’d probably have lost that weight, but I didn’t do it because I didn’t love myself enough to shut the bullies out of my head. I wanted to minor in theater in college, but I was self conscious about the size of my ass and the gap in my teeth, so I dropped the first theater class I’d enrolled in, using the excuse that it didn’t really fit into my schedule. Talk about a big fat lie. I never enrolled in another theater class and didn’t try to get back into acting until early 2019, 25 years after I dropped that class.
Hell, I’m almost 44 years old and I’m still working on being comfortable with my body. Due to medication for chronic illnesses, it’s bigger than I want it to be, but I tell myself every day via affirmations that I’m strong and my body can kick Lupus’ ass. I lost so much time to self doubt and not loving myself enough to realize I deserved everything I wanted. I’ll be damned if I waste another year, and I challenge you to do the same.